Friday, February 11, 2011

Essay draft 1

In the near future of 2025 our protagonist has already grown up, trying to adapt himself to the new surroundings of thirteen. Well after all thirteen is a new beginning for any person living on the island country situated in the Malay Archipelago.
It was getting along well with the enhancement of technology, the education system level was also increased in order to keep up with the times. Kids these days were good in their studies but now it had become a must to do so in order to live in this society of theirs because everything was expensive and you needed a high collar job to sustain yourself but with more people competing with you for those jobs you have to be the best of the best. Parents were developing their child to be all rounded to give them an edge in this modern island city.
Now we come back to our protagonist which we shall name Tom, Tom during his primary school days was nicknamed as a pig not because he was dirty or anything but because he behaved like one but certainly not about the gluttonous behavior of a pig because his parents wanted him to be all rounded and well he loved sports.
Tom’s parents were very worried about his future thinking how could he a person as lazy as that forge a bright future but here is a twist Tom as you may not know it was a genius he could take any test standing on his head but his daily behavior costed him his grades. He loved to play if his parent confiscated his IPhone 8 he would play with his ps7 if not his Nintendo after all games were taken away he still had card games, book etc the list goes on, the point I am trying to make here is that he could always produce something to explain himself so he would neglect his homework and get demerit points which in turn affects his grades and so gives his parent the illusion that their son was not good academically.
The children of his time are so focused on their studies, leadership skills and many more in a bid to be the best of the best. Tom obviously has not seen a pig before but he had an inkling from what is in his general knowledge but knowing him he would probably be just too lazy to do any research on it. Tom then asked him mother what do pigs do to help us.Well he went off with the answer that pigs provide us with pork which left him wondering “pork is so yummy and so how could pigs be bad?”
That very afternoon after much heated discussion Tom’s parents decided to bring him to the Singapore Zoo to show him the animals and most importantly to see the pig.
Tom often seeing the pig wanted to observe it trying to understand why he was called to be like it. The pig was smelly, fat and lazy. Tom after seeing the pig did not want to be known as that.
After PSLE, Primary School Leaving Examinations. Tom achieved exemplary results and got into Hwa Chong Institution a Secondary School that has implemented measures to keep up with modernization and therefore kept itself at the top of secondary schools.
As we say at the age of thirteen you experience bodily changes, become mature and also you begin a new school life so Tom decide to take this opportunity to begin a new chapter in his life to give a new social image at Hwa Chong to not be depicted as a pig, a lazy bum but as a leopard because of his alertness his speed in doing his worked with accuracy but also to his old classmates to show them a side of him that they never knew of working towards his goal he amended his bad habits along with his schedule. He cut down on his gaming and started to focus more on his studies.
With his smarts, Tom easily climbed to the top of his class Tom’s parent were relieved and surprised to see the sudden change but they were contented and wanted it to be that ways.
Tom’s parents be rest assured he will stay like that. Will Tom change or have a bright future ahead this do not know with the world changing so quickly, anything is possible.

4 comments:

  1. Hey Hui Sheng,

    I feel that your story is quite good. However, there is no climax in your story, basically short excerpt of the identity of a Singaporean child. To add on, your story is also quite short, I must say roughly 750 words only. And your story doesn't end at all.

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  2. Hui Sheng,

    Please correct your grammatical errors. Please cut to the fact that the main protagonist is Tom and stop beating about the bush.

    Gregory

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  3. Hi Hui Sheng, I think that your story is not interesting and captivating. You were very indirect in your story, for example the main character - Tom. Do not beat around the bush to call him the protaganist, just cut straight to the point. Also, your story has no plot at all. It is just describing the various events. Even if you want to write various events in the story, you should at least link all of them up and tell us how all of these lead to his exemplary results. I also realised that your story has a lot of grammatical errors.

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  4. HI ok i will take your points into consideration and khang zhie please read carefully there is a plot which is because he did not know what a pig was and found out the ugly truth so he worked hard to not be called a pig see and to the others sorry but i typed wrongly from my work so thats the cause for the grammatical errors.

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